my sisters under your porch take her home
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
