So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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