is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
