I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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