I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
