I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm too high and old for this...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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