She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
