You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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