Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
