Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
