Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
