I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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