I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
