He disabled his match.com account in front of me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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