9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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