there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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