If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
