i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
