nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
