I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
