the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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