My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
