You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
