Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
