so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
