I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
