Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
