i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize