Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
