So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize