just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
