11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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