Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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