dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
