and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
