we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
