just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
