Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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