I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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