at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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