he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My life is pants optional.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
