Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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