I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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