I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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