is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
