are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
