She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dont even know how to be here
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
