i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
