She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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