you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
