you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
