I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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