Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
