hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
