Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
