My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
me + whiskey = a bad person
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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