I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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