I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
