I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
