he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You left your phone here
Wait...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
