i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
