My nipple is on Facebook.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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