i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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