I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize