dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
