What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
