I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
that is very illegal...i love you.
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