barbara walters just said penis...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
