thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
